But then they got high, then they got high, then they got high.
How are bouncy castles still a thing? No, seriously, how are these inflatable death traps still a goddamn thing?
Three children in Fort Lauderdale who happened to be playing inside a bounce house while a water spout came on land were injured yesterday. We are truly in the end times folks.
For those of you who didn’t voraciously study tornados from age 7 to 10 like I did, water spouts are basically the twisters of the sea, much the same way manatees are the cows of the sea…
EXCEPT MANATEES DON’T F*CKING LIFT KIDS INSIDE BLOW-UP BUILDINGS INTO THE AIR LIKE AN ANGRY WIND GOD DETERMINED TO SLICK HIS BLOOD LUST WITH THE SACRIFICE OF THREE CHILDREN. Unless it was some sort of wizard manatee, but that’s highly uncommon.
You know what’s not so uncommon? Bouncy castles not doing their job of staying on the planet Earth lately. Last year, two kids in upstate New York were hurt when the wind picked up one of these balloon-like edifices not just one, but two stories.
According to a new study, the amount of bounce-house related injuries have soared (okay poor choice of words) by 1,500% in the last 15 years, and currently there are no guidelines on bounce house usage.
Should there be seat belts? I think so. Should they replace the air inside a bounce house with actual concrete? Definitely. Should they just be regular houses? Without a doubt.