Oh, the huge manatee… inside that other huge manatee doing the nasty.
When I imagine two manatees making love, I imagine what I must look like trying to seal the deal after eating half a pizza pie.
However, apparently manatee sex is a lot more like Eyes Wide Shut as the beautiful sea cow actually has mating herds.
Mating in herds? That definitely sounds like a euphemism to me. A euphemism for a manatee orgie, that is.
According to Nadia Gordon, a marine mammal biologist from the FWC, people tend to get really alarmed watching these mammals getting down:
“The call we usually get is, ‘There’s a mom manatee, and all the babies are trying to save it,’ but in actuality, the large female can have up to 20-something males trying to breed the one female.”
20-something males surrounding a single lady! Sounds like LA on a Saturday night, am I right?
So, yeah those aren’t babies trying to save a mom. Those are dudes trying to bang a mom.
Although manatees have grown in numbers, up from 5,000 in 2011 to 6,000 now, officials say to leave their hot boning session alone. Here’s what Nadia had to say:
“Please stay back. Don’t approach the animals. Give them their space and just watch their behavior.”
Yeah, watch their “behavior,” maybe bring some wine, perhaps start playing some Drake. You know, really set the mood.
In honor of these endangered species f*cking away for the sake of their very existence, here are some new manatee inspired sex positions.
1. The Tossed Salad.
Nothing like an actual piece of lettuce covering your face to let your mate know that you’re down to clown.
2. The sidewinder.
Wind up at the side of your mate. Give them smooch. Then make passionate love.
Form a “T” with your partner, and cup their armpits while mounting your head on their back.