Usually if you want to do a swim for a fundraiser fighting against disease, you don’t swim in waters that actually contain it.
Christopher Swain, a man who makes Captain Planet look like a wimp, attempted to swim across the Brookyln’s highly contaminated Gowanus Canal on Earth Day yesterday. There were no survivors.
While I fully expect this body of water to be the breeding ground of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it’s definitely not the most ideal location to swim.
There’s E. coli, arsenic (no old lace), coal tar, and PCBs inside this witch’s brew of a canal. You know that part of The Shawshank Redemption where Tim Robbins had to crawl through a sewage pipe to freedom?
That was like taking a bath in a four-star resort compared to what Christopher had to swim through.
While he attempted to swim the full 1.8 miles of the canal, he only managed to make it through two-thirds of a mile.
He even had to use Hydrogen Peroxide to clean out his mouth
from cursing a lot in front of his grandmother.
While Christopher has vowed to swim the entire Gowanus canal. Yeah, another thing, the GowANUS canal? I mean, does it get anymore onomatopoeic?
Meanwhile, the EPA is planning a cleanup that could last a decade, and cost half a billion dollars.