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Needless to say, this will not be the turkey pardoned by President Obama.
Just like the kid from Jurassic Park, we’d all laugh at the prospect of a six foot turkey, but if a regular sized wild turkey ever entered your bathroom, you’d be f*cked.
Nancy Page of Warwick, Rhode Island is a survivor. One such wild turkey (potentially having drunk a full bottle of Wild Turkey whisky) crashed into her bathroom window, turned on her faucet, which was left on for hours, and just made a real feathery mess of things. Clever girl.
When Nancy returned home she noticed that water was pouring from the ceiling. She rounded the upstairs corner, noticed the demonic bird sitting on her bathroom counter, and called 911.
This is the part of the story where I’d scratch a chalkboard with my fingernails, and say, “I’ll catch this bird for ya. But it ain’t gonna be easy.”
The video above shows the turkey evading capture. If you ever find yourself going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and hear a cackling gobble coming from behind you, know that it’s too late as you embrace the void that this fowl is about to send you to.